Confidentially --
she never called me baby-doll
Confidentially --
I never had much pride
--They Might Be Giants
"Don’t be such a wimp!"

"Don't call me a wimp, you jerk!"

"Don't call me a jerk, you cheater!"

"That's IT!" Yuuri screamed, practically hopping up and down in fury. "This engagement is OFF!"

Yuuri turned his back on Wolfram's dropped jaw and made for the door of their bedroom, slamming it with a crash that shook the stone floor. He paused a moment, trying to calm himself enough to catch his breath.

When he looked up, Conrad was standing in front of him with his arms crossed.

"Turn around, Your Majesty."

"Forget it," Yuuri snapped. "And don't call me Your Majesty! There's no way I'm going back in there, Wolfram's called me a cheater for the last time!"

"Your Majesty," Conrad narrowed his eyes. "First of all, you can't call off your engagement with Wolfram, because you've been married to him for the last two years. Secondly, Your daughter, as well as most of the population of Shin Makoku, can hear every word you're saying."

Conrad jabbed a finger in the air for Yuuri to look down the hall, and he found Greta peering around a corner anxiously. Yuuri's face turned red and he dropped his eyes to the floor.

"And thirdly," Conrad finished, "you get your royal rear back in that room and make up with Wolfram right this second. You know we're leaving for Cabalcade in the morning, and no one wants to spend the entire trip babysitting a sulking Maou and his lover!"

"He's got a title, you know," Yuuri grumbled, kicking a foot at the carpet a little. "Don't call him my lover like we're in some cheap doujinshi. Greta, it's okay, come here."

"Daddy!" Greta trotted down the hallway and threw herself into Yuuri's arms.

"It's okay, Greta." Yuuri smiled just a little at the pink nightgown which matched perfectly the one Wolfram was wearing at the moment. "Daddy and Daddy were just having a discussion that got out of hand. Nobody's going anywhere."

"I know that!" Greta squeezed Yuuri tighter in irritation. "But you woke me up!"

"Sorry," Yuuri apologized, then pried Greta off and pushed her towards the door. "Go give Daddy a hug too, it'll make him feel better."

"Using your daughter as a human shield," Conrad commented when Greta had slipped in the door, leaving it ajar so Yuuri could follow. "Ah, the proud 27th Maou."

"Get lost, would you?" Yuuri snapped. "As if you didn't spend the whole trip to Frankfurt giving Yozak the silent treatment because he flirted with the barmaids."

"He wasn't flirting." Conrad's back stiffened a little. "He was trading makeup tips."

It was still apparently a sore subject with Conrad, and Yuuri felt bad for bringing it up immediately. He murmured another apology, and hugged Conrad on impulse. His own temper eased a little more when Conrad's arm wrapped around his shoulders in return.

"We shouldn't take this kind of abuse from them," Yuuri said lightly. "Let's run away together, Conrad. We can live by the ocean and you'll bear me dozens of strong sons and dark-eyed daughters."

"That's very cute, Yuuri." Conrad dropped his arms and Yuuri released him. When he looked up, Conrad's smile had a strange twist to it at the corners. "Now go take your husband to bed so we can all get some sleep."

Rolling his eyes, Yuuri bid Conrad goodnight and went back into his bedroom.

Wolfram did indeed seem to have calmed down, tucked under the blankets of the bed, but sitting up against the pillows. Greta was lying on top of the covers beside him, chattering on about something with her head pillowed on his shoulder.

"Hey," Yuuri said quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Wolfram. Wolfram gave a little 'hmph' and raised his nose a little higher in the air. Yuuri sighed. "Greta, do you want us to come tuck you back in?"

"No," Greta shook her head and sat up. "I'll tuck you in."

Chuckling at Wolfram's raised eyebrows, Yuuri obediently crawled under the covers beside him and let Greta fuss with the edges of the blankets. She kissed each of her daddies' foreheads and wished them goodnight, then slid off the bed.

"Hey wait," Yuuri said, sitting up and trying to look plaintive rather than amused. Wolfram snorted. "Where's our bedtime story?"

Greta looked over her shoulder and eyed Yuuri. "Once upon a time there were two daddies who didn't fight over who packs their luggage better, and everyone lived happily ever after, the end."

Yuuri flopped back down sheepishly while Greta exited smartly and Wolfram had a good laugh at his expense.

"You completely started it," Yuuri informed him, leaning over to kiss his jaw in apology.

"All I asked was where you put the hairbrush," Wolfram replied, sliding a hand into Yuuri's hair and giving a tug in demonstration. "Because you know it'll be the very first thing we need, and you always put it in the very bottom of the bag, and then we have to..."

Yuuri tugged Wolfram over enough to throw a leg over his hip and silenced him in a very effective, full-body manner.

"I thought I told you to get some sleep, Your Majesty," Conrad commented the next morning, settling his horse into a rhythm beside Ao. Ahead of them a few yards with Greta, Wolfram was covering his yawns with the back of his hand.

Yuuri glared at him, a few bags he hadn't intended on bringing settled underneath his eyes. But they were very well-packed, thank you very much.

"At least both of us can ride," he hissed so that no one else could hear, "unlike that trip back from Caloria when we had to keep stopping because…"

"Yes, Your Majesty," Conrad said quickly.

"And Yozak said…"

"That's enough, Your Majesty!" Conrad shot a dark look over his shoulder at Yozak, who was having a suspiciously good laugh with the Great Sage.

"Mmhmm." Yuuri smirked, satisfied. "And stop calling me that."