It wasn't that Yagyuu didn't know that giving Kirihara a long, metal stick and telling him to swing it was bad news, but Renji had sworn he could control him.

"Why do I listen to you?" he snarled at Renji as Kirihara charged the small water hazard, scattering several honking ducks. One took cover behind Yagyuu, agreeing with a querulous "Da ne?"

"Oh, chill out, would you?" Niou elbowed his partner, tossing his bright orange ball up and down with one hand. "It's only miniature golf. There's lots of kids behaving worse here."

Yagyuu cast a skeptical eye over the pair of small girls watching Kirihara menace the baby ducks with clasped hands and tears in their eyes.

"My data shows that the more he swings his club now, the stronger his serve will get," Renji assured, eyes firmly closed as Jackal tried futilely to shoo Kirihara away from the water. "And also if we give him ice cream at the end, he'll sleep the whole way home."

"Easy for you to say!" Yagyuu snapped. "You don't have to watch it! Akaya, that's not what the ball cleaner is for!"

"Actually…" Marui started, but broke off into giggles when Yagyuu turned his glare towards him. The giggles stopped when Kirihara's swinging came just a little too close to the soda can he was holding. "Hey now!"

"Jackal, perhaps it would be best if you took Kirihara ahead to start the next hole," Renji suggested. "Meanwhile, I'll just head inside to inform Yukimura and Sanada of our progress…"

"The hell you will!" Yagyuu grabbed Renji's collar, jerking him back and making his eyes flutter open for a second. "Just because the captain and his caddy snuck off to have tea on the veranda, or whatever, doesn't mean you're going to leave me with these heathens!"

"Besides, it's for charity and all," Marui reminded him of the whole reason they were defiling the mini-golf course in the first place. He slung an arm around Renji's neck and led him forward. "C'mon, you can help wrangle Kirihara. Where'd he get to anyway?"

"Akaya!" Renji called. "Come!"

The others watched as Kirihara popped up from behind a decorative boulder and came trotting over.

"That's interesting," Niou reflected as Yagyuu sat his ball on the rubber green mat and tried to clear his mind of all insanity. "I wonder if he's trained him to…"

"NIOU!" Yagyuu shouted, but it was too late. "God, I'm going to dream about that now, you bastard."

"And the ball washer?" Niou asked, yelping and jumping back when Yagyuu took his own wild swing. "Hey, keep it below the waist, pal! Honestly, you're supposed to be a gentleman…OW!"

******

In the end, Yagyuu was so frazzled that he got the worst score out of any of them, as Renji helpfully reminded him every single hole, as well as totally blowing the "Win a Free Game!" shot at the end. Not only did the ball not go in the clown's mouth, it ricocheted off his nose and bulleted towards the water hazard with the baby ducks, impacting in an explosion of water and feathers.

"MOMMYYY!" the girls screamed, tears pouring down their little cheeks, and Yagyuu dropped his club in Niou's hands and ran for it when the mother stormed over.

Because the gods of golf were cruel and heartless, Kirihara got a free game in one shot.

"WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, CLOWN!" Kirihara crowed in victory, hopping up and down and waving his club wildly, and Yukimura, who had appeared out of nowhere with Sanada at his shoulder, clapped.

"Excellent job," he said, making Kirihara grin and stick his tongue out at Yagyuu. "As for the rest of you, that was the worst round of golf I have ever seen. And Marui, that is not what the ball cleaner is for."

"Renji, take Akaya inside and get him some ice cream," Sanada added. "The rest of you, fifty laps around the course!"

"Don't grind your teeth like that, it's for charity!" Niou teased, and Yagyuu shoved him in the water hazard on the way by.